


Free of the Kenseiken

by junko



Series: Curse of the Nue [38]
Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 17:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Byakuya recovers, Renji and Rukia try to untangle their relationships--past and present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Free of the Kenseiken

The house steward showed Renji to the master suite. The fusuma doors were open to the balcony overlooking the cherry orchards. Sparrows twittered in the summer sunshine. Despite the attempts at cheeriness, the room had the kind of holding-your-breath hushed feeling of a hospital. Nodding his thanks to Eishirō, who left him with a bow at the door, Renji came to stand beside Rukia. She was dressed in a simple blue kimono embroidered with the Kuchiki crest on the sleeves. Kneeling beside the bed, she clutched a pale, limp hand.

Byakuya was unconscious. His hair was free of the kenseikan, and, asleep, he looked especially young and vulnerable. He was breathing easily, but there was an ashen cast to his face that Renji didn’t like at all. Byakuya was loosely dressed in a purple kimono that did nothing to make him look healthy—if anything, it made the dark circles under his eyes seem deeper and more worrisome.

More than any of that, what bothered Renji immensely was that whoever laid Byakuya in bed had put him on the wrong side. Byakuya was lying where Renji should be.

“Hey,” Renji said quietly, not wanting to startle Rukia, who was clearly deep in thought. Her thin eyebrows were knitted together, and she was completely focused on Byakuya. “How’s he doing?”

Rukia rapidly blinked back whatever had been going through her head. “He’s been drifting in and out,” she said. “When he’s awake, he’s a bit delirious. Muttering all sorts of nonsense. But, the nurses tell me it’s nothing to worry about, just a side-effect of the poison.”

“Did we know Shinsō was poison-type?” Renji muttered. “I feel like that’s news to me.”

Rukia shrugged. She was still staring at Byakuya’s pallid face. “Are you really surprised?”

“No, I guess not, knowing Ichimaru,” Renji admitted, and then made a mental note to check in on Kira. Renji shook his head. He knew something was wrong with that relationship; he should have staged an intervention when he first suspected something was up. And poor Momo, too. Jeez, all of his friends from Academy were betrayed by their captains. Even Hisagi.

Fuck.

They fell silent for a long moment. Renji still wasn’t entirely sure what happened after Aizen KO’d him. He wanted to ask Rukia what the hell made Byakuya change his tune so drastically that he’d actually stepped between Rukia and Ichimaru, but Renji’s eyes kept being drawn back to Byakuya’s hair. An inky strand had fallen across his nose, and it looked… untidy. Renji reached a hand out to smooth it back and tuck it behind Byakuya’s ear, but stopped when he noticed Rukia looking at him.

“Fix that, will you?” he said. Straightening up quickly, Renji shoved his hand into the pocket of his hakama guiltily. “It’s driving me crazy.”

She did as he asked, but gave him a funny look the whole time. “Get used it. Ichigo broke the kenseikan.”

Renji’s eyebrows shot up and he let out a low whistle. “Damn. I’m glad it wasn’t me. I’d never see my salary again.”

“What about all that blood you got on the _ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu_?”

Renji jabbed a thumb at his chest. “Me? Oi, that’s not my fault. I couldn’t help bleeding. He’s the one who cut me and dropped it all over me. ”

“Jeez, Renji, quit whining. He’s not going make you pay for it,” Rukia smiled through her tease.

“Want to bet?” Renji gave her a grimace back. He let out a sigh, “I’ll be lucky not to be looking for work when he wakes up.”

Rukia blinked. “You really think so?”

Renji shrugged. So there was a funeral kimono with a nue over its heart, but that had sort of assumed a different outcome, hadn’t it?

“It’s hard to know with him,” Renji said honestly. He plopped down onto the floor, sitting cross-legged next to her. He turned, however, so that he could lean his back against the edge of the bed. He let his gaze wander out over the cherry orchard and tipped his head back thoughtfully, “I mean, it all turned out in our favor, but well, let’s see—he had me discharged for desertion,” Renji started counting off the offenses on his fingers, “Which, by the way, he wouldn’t agree to drop to dereliction of duty, even though war hadn’t been declared while I was busy getting my ass kicked. In fact, I’m pretty sure there’s an official complaint lodged with the Captain-Commander about my reinstatement right now, and that was before I forcibly broke my way out of the guardhouse. Did you know that’s got its own listing in the regulations? ‘Escape from confinement,’--yeah, I could stand for that charge alone. But, I also took on a bunch of my own guys on my way out. The icing on the cake, however, is that, after all that, I assaulted my commanding officer with a deadly weapon and intent to kill. I’m pretty sure every one of those, except maybe ‘escape,’ is a capital offense. And, if he wanted to be a stickler, there’s the whole turning coat to help you and Ichigo. Don’t get too used to seeing me around. I could still end up in the Maggot’s Nest for treason.”

“Treason?” Rukia shook her head. She sat back on her heels, her hands folded neatly in her lap. “Aizen wins that one.”

“Sure, for most people, but we’re talking about your brother here. I wouldn’t be surprised if--” Renji was going to suggest that Byakuya might have him killed over and over again for each one of his transgressions, but his breath caught in his throat; Byakuya had reached his hand up and his fingers were absently running through Renji’s hair.

Renji glanced over at Rukia, whose eyes were wide as saucers.

“Nii-sama?” Rukia asked curiously, glancing between them.

Renji didn’t dare move. Byakuya’s fingers continued to slowly, lovingly entwine in Renji’s topknot. Renji couldn’t see if Byakuya’s eyes were open, but Byakuya didn’t seem to be entirely conscious. With a contented sigh, Byakuya’s hand dropped. “Renji,” he muttered, and seemed to drift back to sleep.

Renji hazarded a glance over his shoulder. Byakuya smiled softly to himself.

“Or--maybe he’ll forgive you,” Rukia suggested sounding sort of shell-shocked.

“Uh… yeah.” Renji agreed. He wasn’t sure if his face had drained of all color or if a bright blush painted his cheeks, “Looks like maybe so, huh?”

Rukia sat back against her heels. Her big purple eyes trembled slightly. “You know, I can’t believe he did this for me—got himself hurt. I thought… I mean, I really believed he would kill me himself,” she said with a little disbelieving shake of her head. “And then… and then he apologized, Renji. Nii-sama looked me in the eye and begged for my forgiveness.”

Renji nodded. It might not seem like much to most people, but they both knew Byakuya’s change of heart was pretty startling--almost as shocking as having asked the seamstress to put a nue over the heart of his funeral kimono. Renji reached up and pulled his own fingers through his hair where Byakuya’s had been. “He’s kind of full of surprises lately. Heh, maybe if this keeps up you can start calling him onii-san instead of nii-sama, huh?”

“Yeah, right,” she laughed. She chewed on her lip and frowned, as though trying it out in her head, but then sighed. “That would be way too weird.”

Renji nodded, stretching out his legs. He raked his fingers through his hair again. As he adjusted the ponytail, he snuck another look at Byakuya. Damn, if that hadn’t been awfully intimate. Had Rukia noticed? Or did she think it was just part of Byakuya’s fevered ramblings?

When he turned back, Rukia was looking at Renji very intently. “Did you know he visited me in the guardhouse?” she asked.

“No,” Renji said. He cast his mind back, trying to think of when that could have been. The only night he hadn’t spent time with Rukia himself was the time he’d ended up messing around with Isane at Captain Kyōraku’s birthday party at the Eleventh. That was the night right before Rukia’s transfer. “Oh? So, what was that like?”

“Byakuya told me he had a lover.”

“Uh, a lov—oh, okay,” Renji said, feeling awkward and twitchy under her steady gaze. He was a hundred-percent certain he was blushing like a schoolboy now. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I haven’t seen him, Renji. This boy, the wakashū, where is he?”

“Maybe… he’s… busy?” Oh gods, he sounded so lame and completely unconvincing even to himself. “Or they broke up…?”

“You don’t ‘break up’ with a wakashū, you idiot, it’s a life-long bond. But, nii-sama said this lover wasn’t actually an apprentice. That you’d gotten that part wrong, but, well--the way Byakuya talked about him, I was looking forward to meeting him. Or, I guess I thought it was a shame we’d never get the chance because I’d be dead.”

Renji patted her knee, “Oh hey, don’t say that.”

Rukia’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t get me off track,” she jabbed a finger in Renji’s chest. “You know where I’m going with this.”

Renji did.

She was going to try to get Renji to admit that it was him that was her brother’s lover. Byakuya must have said something that clued Rukia in, but Renji didn’t really feel the need to confirm her suspicions. Renji lifted his hands as though to ward off this entire conversation, “Just don’t, Rukia. You don’t want to go there. So how about we make a pact right now to never, ever talk about Byakuya’s sex life, okay?”

She gave Renji a long, hard look, but then her eyes seemed to light on the tattoo on his neck. Some image must have flashed through her brain then, because she instantly paled and made a choking sound.

Renji suddenly regretted using the word ‘sex,’ because it must have sparked something in her imagination. He was about to try to back out, when she nodded fiercely.

“Okay,” Rukia said, her eyes sliding away from Renji as a blush began to color her ears, “Deal.”

Of course, that moment, Byakuya chose to mutter in his restless sleep, “Renji?”

“I’m here,” Renji said turning around, just in time to see Byakuya’s eyes flutter open briefly.

Byakuya seemed to focus on Renji’s face. His eyes searched Renji’s as he said, “If we’re both dead, we’re together, at least?”

“Yes, Taicho,” Renji said, clasping the hand that reached for him, “Wherever you go, I'll always be one step behind. Always.”

They held each other’s gaze for a moment, but then Byakuya’s eyes unfocused and he slipped back under. Carefully, Renji lay Byakuya’s hand back down onto his chest. Renji turned to try to say something—though he wasn’t sure what—to Rukia.

But she was gone.

#

Eishirō made Renji promise to come back as soon as possible. “His lordship fares much better when you’re at his side.”

Renji nodded. It did seem true. A bit of color had come back to Byakuya’s face even in the short time Renji had stayed there. “I got to get out for a bit and grab something to eat,” Renji said, and before Eishirō could offer to feed him, added, “And check on stuff. The division’s a mess. I won’t be long, though. I know you guys will take good care of him, but—“

“Yes,” Eishirō agreed. “He should have… friends here. Perhaps you could send the Lady Kuchiki back to sit with him?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m kind of hoping to catch up with her,” Renji said. “You didn’t happen to see which way she went, did you?”

#

Renji made an appearance at the Sixth Division’s mess hall and received an embarrassingly long and lengthy round of applause. After waving off their enthusiasm, Renji gave everyone the sobering report that Byakuya was still out of it, but that, unless something changed, things looked good for a full recovery. He encouraged everyone to send their well-wishes to the estate. Then, even though he was anxious to try to find Rukia before heading back to Byakuya’s bedside, Renji hung around long enough to let everyone get a chance to talk to him a little.

The Third Seat tried to resign, but Renji stopped him short. “Just wait a couple of days, okay?” Renji said, putting a hand on the Third’s narrow shoulder. “If you still want to do this when the captain’s recovered, tell him about it. Right now, I need you. The division needs stability. You’re the only one who can provide that.”

“But you're b—“

“No, not yet, not really,” Renji shook his head. “There’s still some of ours in the Fourth that I fucked up pretty badly. A bunch of those people and their friends have a very legitimate grudge against me. Okay, so Aizen’s betrayal makes my actions look a whole lot better, but I still tore up my own. That’s going to take some time and… work on my part. You, on the other hand, held the fort admirably. You’ve been here for these soldiers when the captain and I were both out of commission. Your duty is to stay here and see it through. You owe these people that much. Especially right now.”

“I….”

Renji raised his voice to the ‘don’t fuck with me’ register. “Nobody else is walking way. Not today, understand? We’ve had enough of that shit from Aizen, Ichimaru, and goddamn Tōsen. Got it?”

That seemed to make the Third Seat take a step back, “Yes, sir.”

“Good,” Renji said, turning to leave. “Besides, it’s not like the captain won’t tell you himself if he thinks you ought to try a new career path. Go ask my predecessor.”

#

Rukia was just where Eishirō said she’d be—with Captain Ukitake at the Thirteenth. Unfortunately, Ichigo was there too. So much for getting to have a private talk, but Renji stuck his head in the open door to the captain’s office anyway.

“Uh, sorry to interrupt,” Renji said. “But, if I could just talk to Rukia for a second--”

“No, no, come in." Ukitake beckoned him in kindly. “We have treats!”

The three of them were clustered around a low table. They had bowls of chilled anmitsu, a translucent jelly made from red algae and served with peaches and boiled peas. Renji could smell the nutty scent of fine quality tea even from the door. It was tempting. The food looked good and Ukitake was smiling broadly. But, Renji lingered at the door, trying to catch Rukia’s eye. She was turned away from him and seemed intent on watching Ichigo instead of acknowledging him. She was being a Kuchiki and it was ticking Renji off.

She had no idea how well he’d learned to deal with Kuchiki coldness. If she wanted to play like that, Renji knew just what to say to force her hand. “Sorry. As hard as it is for me to turn down free food, sir, I need to get back,” he said to Ukitake. “I was just wondering if you could spare Rukia later this evening. I’d like to take her out for a beer—you know, for old time’s sake.”

She looked at him then, and Renji found, for the first time in his life, he had no idea how to read her expression. But, he also knew that it was way too impolite for her to say ‘no’ in front of her captain—especially Ukitake, he was so generous and kind-hearted he’d make Rukia feel like a heel if she told Renji to shove off. “Sure, Renji,” she said after a second’s hesitation, like she knew he’d cornered her. “For old time’s sake. I’ll stop by the estate for dinner. We can go out after.”

Ichigo was watching this exchange with curious eyes. “What's with the tension? Are you guys fighting or something?”

Too smart for his own good, that kid. “No,” Renji insisted. “I just need a drinking buddy.”

“No fair, I'd totally be your drinking buddy,” Ichigo muttered, shoving a tea cake into his mouth. “But, I can’t go out to a bar.”

“You can stay here tonight,” Ukitake told Ichigo. “We can play games. I have Go.”

Ichigo looked mortified at the idea, “Uh, thanks. Board games. Because that makes me feel more grown-up.”

Renji couldn't stop a small smile at Ichigo’s discomfort and he waved good-bye to everyone, “See you later then, Rukia.”

#

Turns out, the things Byakuya mumbled in his delirium weren’t nonsense at all.

Renji realized that as lay on the bed, his arms wrapped carefully, but snuggly around Byakuya’s back. As soon as he’d settled onto the mattress, Byakuya found the strength to roll toward him and tuck his head up under Renji’s chin. Byakuya’s head was hot with fever, and, for once, Renji’s body was the cooler of the two.

Byakuya had been talking almost non-stop, which was disconcerting in and of itself from such a usually silent and stoic guy—a clear sign Byakuya was sick and not himself. Worse, it was all a jumble of private thoughts, stream of consciousness ramblings, and so much of it would impossible to decipher if you didn’t know the context. Probably, too, for Rukia, some of what Byakuya said was stuff she didn’t want to hear.

Apparently, except for their age difference, Hisana and Rukia could have been twins. It was hard for Byakuya to see his wife so often in Rukia’s appearance. Byakuya confessed, too, that he’d long feared that Hisana’s obsession with finding Rukia had contributed to her ill health. All this made him resent Rukia. This secret had made it easier for Byakuya to forsake his promise to Hisana to protect Rukia, and he hated himself for it.

“It’s okay,” Renji told him, stroking Byakuya’s sweat-soaked hair. “You did the right thing in the end. That’s what counts.”

Apparently, he regretted the alley, too.

Byakuya muttered snippets of things that made it embarrassingly clear that he found Renji’s restrained passion irresistible, and that he’d always enjoy watching Renji—all the time. Words like ‘raw power under my command’ had Renji blushing, and trying not to get hot and bothered with Byakuya completely hallucinating. How unfair that Byakuya was giving Renji the best dirty talk of their relationship and he wouldn’t remember a word of it.

Or, Renji thought as Byakuya muttered another scandalous observation--maybe that was a good thing.

“Shh,” Renji said finally, when he thought Byakuya would never get off this particular subject. “You can do all that to me when you’re stronger. I’ll let you, Taicho. You know I will. But, hush now, you’re turning me on too much.”

Eventually, after a few other odd and disjointed observations, Byakuya’s fevered mind returned to the alley and whispered that he knew he’d gone too far, but he’d been seeking a way to control the rising demon inside Renji--a demon he now felt he should never have asked to step between himself and his own cowardice.

“No one thinks you’re a coward, Byakuya,” Renji said.

“But I am,” Byakuya said with a clarity that surprised Renji. Was he awake? Renji tried to nudge Byakuya’s head out from under his chin, but the captain pressed in deeper against Renji’s bare chest to murmur into his skin. “I should never have asked you to do what I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, but see—you _asked_ , didn’t you? It wasn’t an order. I had a choice, and that means the decision is mine to live with.”

Byakuya seemed to hold his breath for a long moment, but then let it out with a soft sigh. Renji waited for Byakuya to say more, but it seemed Byakuya was unconscious again.

Warm and content in their embrace, Renji closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. Sometime later, a light rap at the door woke him.

Eishirō’s voice was soft through the rice paper barrier. “The lady Kuchiki has returned to the estate. You may wish to make yourself more presentable.”

 _You mean get dressed_ , Renji snorted silently. “Yeah, okay, thanks.”

But before leaving the bed, Renji gently moved Byakuya over to the side he preferred. He left him with a soft kiss on the cheek and a promise to be back later tonight. Then, he shrugged back into his shirts and went down to meet Rukia.

#

The izakaya was full of quiet, sad drunks. But, the beer was cheap and the waitress kept bringing platters of grilled chicken skewers with a mutter of “on the house.”

Renji had talked Rukia into going out for drinks right away. Renji wasn’t sure either of them was up to trying to talk without a bit of liquid courage. Rukia’s body language said everything. She sat with her knees up and her arms wrapped around them, clutching the bowl of beer just under her nose, like it was tea or hot chocolate.

Renji looked at her. She was just as beautiful to him now as she ever was, and just as far out of reach.

Further.

Renji had already had several beers punctuated by the occasional shot of shoju, so he was ready to say, “I don’t want this awkward between us. You know how much I love you, right? I always will. Nothing’s changed.”

“A lot’s changed, Renji.”

“But not this,” he said. “I’m always going to be there for you. I've got your back.”

Rukia stared down into the depth of her bowl before setting it down on the table. Then she picked up the shot and tipped her head back and slammed it back. Her eyes stayed on the table and said, “I wish you’d said something earlier. You know, about how you felt--”

“No, you don’t,” Renji cut her off kindly, with a small, sad smile. “If I’d have asked, you would have said yes. And, it would have been for all the wrong reasons.”

 _And I would have been the one to hold you back_ , he added silently. _I couldn’t do that. I love you too much._

Her eyes stayed on the table, and he could barely hear her say, “I’m sorry.”

Why did the simplest things she say always hurt so much? She’d thanked him when he’d let her go before, and now—

“Shut up, okay? Don’t be sorry for me, that pisses me off,” Renji said taking a long draw on his beer. “I don’t regret loving you. Be decent enough just to accept it.”

Her eyes finally came up at that. “But, I can’t—“

“I know,” he said stopping her, not wanting to hear her say out loud that she didn’t love him back. Not in the same way, anyway. “I’m not asking for anything, am I? Besides, it’s not like it’s not obvious how you feel about Ichigo.”

She tisked her tongue. “He’s fifteen, Renji. And human.”

“And the last one was married, but that didn’t stop you then, either.” When she looked ready to smack him, Renji quickly added, “Love’s crazy like that. It’s not like you can choose who you fall for. Look at me.”

Rukia’s mouth hung open for a long time, as if trying to decide between all the things she could say. Finally, she said, “So, it’s not just…. You’re in love?”

Renji finished up his beer, and, after setting it down rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I am. I figured that out when I started trying to write poetry for him.”

She almost choked on the beer she was drinking, “Poetry? You, Renji? That’s serious!”

“I know, right?” He laughed.

Rukia snickered into her beer for a moment, but then sobered. “But.. what about him?”

Renji shook his head, tipping the bowl, disappointed to find all the beer gone. “Yeah, who knows? Your guess is as good as mine. But, I suppose we’ll see what happens when he’s himself again.” Renji shrugged, sucking the last remaining dregs. “But, whatever. I’m all in.” _Besides_ , he thought looking at her heart-shaped face, _it’s not like I don’t have plenty of practice loving people who don’t love me back_.

Rukia was giving him a funny look though, and her finger trailed around the lip of the bowl. “I hope he’s up for it,” she said suddenly, “Because he could use someone like you.”

“You think?”

Her smile grew sly and secretive. “You won’t put up with all his crap, and Nii-sama could stand to get his ass kicked from time to time.”

“It wasn’t me who finally did it.”

“I suppose,” she said. “But you’ll keep trying.”

**Author's Note:**

> This may be the last official installment of "Curse of the Nue." I will, of course, continue my never ending soap opera, because I have several thoughts about the aftermath that I want to tackle (like, what do they do with Aizen's STUFF?)--but I think I may do it under a new series title. (Unless that annoys people. Please chime in.)
> 
> Also, for the record, I'm personally of the opinion that Rukia *does* love Renji back, which is why she disappeared when Byakuya and Renji were having their moment. She was jealous. I think she's always known how Renji felt about her, and maybe a little selfishly, considered him a "fall back." That guy you might end up with after all, but kind of through attrition, you know? But, I don't think she's ever meant to hurt him. It's just complicated. But, since this is Renji's p.o.v., he finds it easier to think he's always been in the "just a friend" catagory. I've weirdly always kind of shipped Renji/Rukia, even though Renji/Byakuya is my OTP. Maybe I just think Renji would make the best boyfriend ever to anyone. :-)
> 
> EDITED TO ADD: Series continues with: [Chasing Demons](http://archiveofourown.org/series/27457)


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